What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:02
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What are some best sources of great porn?
She was in good health!
I was very sick at this time too.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Does being poor build better character than being born rich?
She married twice! .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Have you ever been forced to undress for money just once?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The odd effects a year in space has on the bodies of astronauts - supercarblondie.com
We were not on the streets..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I'm pretty sure that my dog is transgender, how would I go about transitioning it?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why did i forgive my father ?
What does the stink of the skunk look like? Why would it be dangerous?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
How do you respond to "I don't like you anymore"?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Comes on , in middle age.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do North Indians, living in Bangalore, not bother to learn Kannada?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So whats the point in blame.
Ive learnt so much.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I said to her
Was to survive, this bastard.
When she asked me how she looked .
I think the readers, may guess!
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How did you become popular in school?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Would this be the day?
I waited trembling.
All the time i was locked up.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was seconnd youngest,
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He resisted the act ,that day.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Who then, do I blame.?
And i lived it daily.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I don,t even have a pension.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
What did i know ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My life is so biszare .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My family never makes their pension either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I will be 64.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I have no regrets .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I never cut or harmed myself..
We all went to grammer schools
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One cannot live in the past .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So, i spoilt her more .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.